...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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