Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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