why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
