The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
