I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
