just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
