Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
