Duck Duck Cougar?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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