My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
