I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize