If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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