I wish my penis had an off switch
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
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