my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This house was built for laser tag.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
