for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
