So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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