"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
