Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
