According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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