Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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