Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
