Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
