your parents love me but you hate me
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the condom got lost in my hair
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
