Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize