Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize