my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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