Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
