Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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