Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
no, he came in my armpit
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
