the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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