I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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