Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
