its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just pee around me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
