Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
