We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
