omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
