Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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