my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
