420 ftw
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
