I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
