i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
