Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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