My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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