she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
