There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
