My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
