I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
