Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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