I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
