I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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