I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
porn star boner night. come get it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
