I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
