but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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