Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
