yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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