people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The feeling are messing with the penis
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
