I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
