Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
