mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
