literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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