she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need to align my fucking chakras
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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