you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
