I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
