3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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