shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
