I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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