Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
