My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You dont lie about slip and slides
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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