What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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