you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
